Explorers on Witch Mountain Page 23
Jumping cactuses are not allowed inside the club unless under exceptional circumstances.
Please do not remove flags, maps or wallabies from the club.
Club members are not permitted to settle disagreements via camel racing between the hours of midnight and sunrise.
The club kangaroos, coyotes, sand cats and rattlesnakes are to be respected at all times.
Members who wish to keep all their fingers are advised not to torment the giant desert hairy scorpions, irritate the bearded vultures or vex the spotted desert recluse spiders.
Explorers are kindly asked to refrain from washing their feet in the drinking water tureens at the club’s entrance, which are provided strictly for our members’ refreshment.
Sand forts may be constructed on club grounds, providing explorers empty all sand from their sandals, pockets, bags, binocular cases and helmets before entering the club.
Explorers are asked not to take camel decoration to extremes. Desert Jackal Explorers’ Club camels may wear a maximum of one jewelled necklace, one tasselled headdress and/or bandana, seven plain gold anklets, up to four knee bells and one floral snout decoration.
UPON INITIATION, ALL DESERT JACKAL EXPLORERS SHALL RECEIVE AN EXPLORER’S BAG CONTAINING THE FOLLOWING ITEMS:
One foldable leather safari hat or one pith helmet.
One canister of tropical-strength giant desert hairy scorpion repellent.
One shovel (please note this object’s usefulness in the event of being buried alive in a sandstorm).
One camel-grooming kit, consisting of: organic camel shampoo, camel eyelash curlers, head brush, toenail trimmers and hoof-polishers (kindly provided by the National Camel Grooming Association).
Two spare genie lamps and one spare genie bottle.
JUNGLE CAT EXPLORERS’ CLUB RULES
Members of the Jungle Cat Explorers’ Club shall refrain from picnicking in a slovenly manner. All expedition picnics are to be conducted with grace, poise and elegance.
All expedition picnicware must be made from solid silver, and kept perfectly polished at all times.
Champagne-carrier hampers must be constructed from high-grade wickerwork, premium leather or teak wood. Please note that champagne carriers considered ‘tacky’ will not be accepted onto the luggage elephant under ANY circumstances.
Expedition picnics will not take place unless there are scones present. Ideally, there should also be magic lanterns, pixie cakes and an assortment of fairy jellies.
Oriental whip snakes, alligator snapping turtles, horned baboon tarantulas and flying panthers must be kept securely under lock and key whilst on club premises.
Do not torment or tease the jungle fairies. They will bite and may also catapult their tormentors with tiny, but extremely potent, stink-berries. Please be warned that stink-berries smell worse than anything you can imagine, including unwashed feet, mouldy cheese, elephant poo and hippopotamus burps.
Jungle fairies must be allowed to join expedition picnics if they bring an offering of any of the following: elephant cakes, striped giraffe scones, or fizzy tiger punch from the Forbidden Jungle Tiger Temple.
Jungle fairy boats have right of way on the Tikki Zikki River under all circumstances, including when there are piranhas present.
Spears are to be pointed away from other club members at all times.
When travelling by elephant, explorers are kindly asked to supply their own bananas.
If and when confronted by an enraged hippopotamus, a Jungle Cat explorer must remain calm and act with haste to avoid any damage befalling the expedition boat (please note that the Jungle Navigation Company expects all boats to be returned to them in pristine condition).
Members are courteously reminded that – due to the size and smell of the beasts in question – the club’s elephant house is not an appropriate venue in which to host soirees, banquets, galas or shindigs. Carousing of any kind in the elephant house is strictly prohibited.
UPON INITIATION, ALL JUNGLE CAT EXPLORERS SHALL RECEIVE AN EXPLORER’S BAG CONTAINING THE FOLLOWING ITEMS:
An elegant mother-of-pearl knife and fork, inscribed with the explorer’s initials.
One silverware polishing kit.
One engraved Jungle Cat Explorers’ Club napkin ring and five luxury linen napkins – ironed, starched and embossed with the club’s insignia.
One magic lantern with fire pixie.
One tin of Captain Greystoke’s Expedition-Flavour Smoked Caviar.
One corkscrew, two Scotch egg knives and three wicker grape baskets.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A great big thank you to all of the following:
My agent, Thérèse Coen, and the Hardman and Swainson Literary Agency, who have continued to be fantastic champions for my books.
The lovely team at Faber, who’ve been as wonderful as ever in their support and enthusiasm for Polar Bears. Special thanks to Hannah Love for looking after me on the promotion trail.
My two Siameses, Suki and Misu, who provided cuddles.
My fiancé, Neil Dayus, who provided cocktails, as well as some of the ideas for this book, including Weenus’s Trading Post and the magic fort blanket.
All of the children’s booksellers and teachers I’ve met, either online or in person, over the past year, whose passion for reading and books never fails to reinvigorate my own.
And, finally, a massive thank you to all of the children who have read and enjoyed Polar Bears. When you dress up as the characters, or write letters to me, or create things in the classroom, or share your amazing ideas at events, you remind me of what a special thing it is to be a children’s writer. I hope you enjoy this book too.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alex Bell has published novels and short stories for both adults and young adults including Frozen Charlotte. The Polar Bear Explorers’ Club was her first foray into middle grade. She always wanted to be a writer but had several different back-up plans to ensure she didn’t end up in the poor house first. After completing a law degree, she now works at the Citizens Advice Bureau. Most of her spare time consists of catering to the whims of her Siamese cats.
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
Tomislav Tomic was born in 1977. He graduated from the Academy of Fine Arts in Zagreb. He started to publish his illustrations during his college days. He has illustrated a great number of books, picture books, schoolbooks and lots of covers for children’s books. He lives and works in the town of Zaprešić, Croatia.
Copyright
First published in 2018
by Faber & Faber Limited
Bloomsbury House
74–77 Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3DA
This ebook edition first published in 2018
All rights reserved
Text © Alex Bell, 2018
Internal illustrations © Tomislav Tomic, 2018
Polar bear head, ship, clouds on cover © Tomislav Tomic, 2018
Other Cover illustrations © Shutterstock, 2017
The right of Alex Bell and Tomislav Tomic to be identified as author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly
A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978–0571–33257–1
Archive.